Grief is such a difficult thing. Not only are we afraid of it in ourselves, but we are afraid, perhaps more so, of others' grief. We look for something to say that will make things better, when in reality, we cannot make things better. We CAN make things worse, however. What do we say to someone who has just experienced a major loss in life? As an intern pastor in the Lutheran church, I hear the whole range of responses, from the healthy ones to the most destructive comments and "answers".
Why do we need to have answers for everything? For some things there just are no answers. We don't know why bad things happen. We don't know why a young man walked into a Connecticut school yesterday with guns.
This morning, I came across an article that I think everyone needs to read, listen to, and remember.
Dealing With Grief: Five Things NOT to Say and Five Things to Say In a Trauma Involving Children
These things apply to any situation of pain, suffering, and loss. The words apply to situations involving children and adults.
Please read the article. To these 5 thing NOT to say, I will add, "God has a plan." Sure, God has a plan, but this plan is for all people to love one another and to love God. God's plan does not include pain and suffering. New things can come out of loss and suffering, new ways of seeing the world or one's life can come out of pain, but these things are not caused by God to teach us something
May God's peace be with all who suffer, all who comfort, and us who remember the saints, young and old, clinging to God's promise of new life in Christ.
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