Week 4 is nearly over. That means 7 weeks to go. Crazy. Summer is going by so fast and much too soon, I will be packing my stuff and climbing on an airplane going to Germany. How on earth do I pack for a year? What on earth am I going to do without Madelaine for a year?
What if chaplaincy is in my future? I was so excited about CPE in the past but that excitement was squashed into dread during fall semester by the interviews I had with supervisors in Minneapolis. Now, 4 weeks in, I am more excited than ever about it. Nursing home chaplaincy? Hospice chaplaincy? Will I make the necessary and difficult growth? The possibility of chaplaincy lightens my shoulders by several loads. What does this mean?
Academic work has always captivated me, systematic theology especially. It would be fun to continue study. I probably will do some on my own. What I have come to realize is that though I love academic challenge and theology, the real world is where the people are. That is where I belong.
I've been accused of idolizing horses, which has pushed me to question whether I should walk through an open door to the horse world in Germany or if I need to prove to these people that I can make it without horses. Horseradish. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. However, those who don't understand the physical, emotional, and spritual benefits horses can bring to people, the ministry they can do, the healing relationships that can be built between horse and human...they are the ones making decisions about my future. "Maybe you belong cleaning stalls." Sure, maybe I do, but I KNOW I am called to a wholeness that cleaning stalls cannot bring me to. Horses will always be a part of who I am. I am called to walk with people through the darkest places and climb beside people to the peaks of the highest moments. So, chaplaincy? We'll see.
Story of the Day
The first thing my supervisor said to me this morning when he walked into the CPE office: "Did you hurt your nose?" "No, it's a zit." So the whole group talked about my fat, red nose for the first 5 minutes of the day. Oh good.
Pax.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Rockford and CPE Week 3
Tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. week 3 of CPE will be over. I'm exhausted. Not just because of CPE but because (prepare for complaining!) I just spent an hour and a half in Woodmans finding food to eat and come to find out that they don't have the "credit" option for debit card payments. Should have listened to Granny, "Always take cash." Or at least remembered my PIN. But who does that?! So, tired and frustrated, I'm home without groceries. Maybe I'll get up early enough to make Macaroni and Cheese to take for lunch tomorrow.
Other than that, all is lovely. Had some amazing frozen yogurt (and even snuck some fresh mango as a "topping" on my chocolate...) with Lynn after we went beer shopping tonight. Lovin' this "girl time" as Lynn calls it. And, at least I can buy beer with my debit card in Rockford! Iga comes home tomorrow with her new horse, Foxy.
I suppose I can share one of my many "Chaplain Fail" moments of this week. It went something like this: I walked into a room occupied by an 84 year old woman whom I had previously visited a number of times. I said, "Hi, V! How are you doing today?" She responded with a barely audible, sleepy mumble, "I'm going to heaklkdfsg." I responded to what I thought I had heard with, "You're going to heaven?" She gave me the biggest grin I've seen on her face and a giggle, "NO! I said REHAB!"
Other excitement comes from the Neonatal ICU where I not only got my foot in the door this week, but most of my body...to the point I'm a little nervous I'm in over my head. Next week will give me a better idea of what my role will be and what exactly is going on. The goal is to get the chaplains more involved on the unit and to educate the nurses about what a chaplain does and how they themselves can be of "pastoral" support to stressed and grieving families of babies in the NICU.
Perhaps this weekend I'll come up with something more reflective to write. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.
Pax.
Other than that, all is lovely. Had some amazing frozen yogurt (and even snuck some fresh mango as a "topping" on my chocolate...) with Lynn after we went beer shopping tonight. Lovin' this "girl time" as Lynn calls it. And, at least I can buy beer with my debit card in Rockford! Iga comes home tomorrow with her new horse, Foxy.
I suppose I can share one of my many "Chaplain Fail" moments of this week. It went something like this: I walked into a room occupied by an 84 year old woman whom I had previously visited a number of times. I said, "Hi, V! How are you doing today?" She responded with a barely audible, sleepy mumble, "I'm going to heaklkdfsg." I responded to what I thought I had heard with, "You're going to heaven?" She gave me the biggest grin I've seen on her face and a giggle, "NO! I said REHAB!"
Other excitement comes from the Neonatal ICU where I not only got my foot in the door this week, but most of my body...to the point I'm a little nervous I'm in over my head. Next week will give me a better idea of what my role will be and what exactly is going on. The goal is to get the chaplains more involved on the unit and to educate the nurses about what a chaplain does and how they themselves can be of "pastoral" support to stressed and grieving families of babies in the NICU.
Perhaps this weekend I'll come up with something more reflective to write. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.
Pax.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Rockford and CPE Week 2
June 18
Former Feast Day of St. Ephrem the Syrian (Now June 9)
He became known as "The Harp of the Holy Ghost" for the hymns he wrote to counter heretical ideas expressed in the hymns he heard.
Be kind to everyone you meet, for every person is fighting a great battle. - St.Ephrem
We all survived week 2 of CPE which included the first Interpersonal Relationship group sessions (IPR), our first verbatim/discussion, and an individual conference with the supervisor. Now that I (I wanted to say "we" but I can only speak for myself!) am only getting lost occasionally and have begun to "get in" with the nurses in each of my units, I am quite comfortable in the hospital. Where I am getting stuck and struggling is in learning the art of pastoral listening. For 25 years, I've listened for facts, theory, formulas. Now I must train myself to accurately interpret "meaning" into the facts that patients share with me. In order to do this, I need to be aware of my own reactions, why I react as I do, and how it affects my response. Crap. This is hard stuff. But, nevertheless, I am enjoying every moment spent with the chaplains, interns, and patients. Tomorrow is my first day on call alone.
On another note, the doc I saw this morning said "costochondritis." I had to come home and look it up. Thanks to the Mayo website, I can tell you that it's injury to the cartilage connecting ribs to the sternum, caused by a variety of things such as heavy lifting and blows to the chest, both of which I am quite familiar with. It most commonly occurs in women over 40 and can heal in a short time, or in several months, sometimes longer. It's already been four months since I started complaining about rib and shoulder pain. My mom always says of me, "If you're going to do something, you're gonna do it good." So much for thinking I was going to answer the "help wanted" add in the paper for moving someone's giant wood pile. Enough complaining.
It has been too much fun having Archie here this last week. He's the poopingest dog I've ever met (I picked up 6 piles before Noon today), but he's cute and wiggly and occasionally settles enough to cuddle. Madelaine even played with him yesterday, before she "came to her senses" and realized what she was doing. "Oh! I wasn't playing with that thing! I'm being crabby at him! See? Hiss. Spit." Cats. I'll miss Archie when he goes home to his family on Monday! Madelaine will too, though she'll never admit to it.
Pax.
Former Feast Day of St. Ephrem the Syrian (Now June 9)
He became known as "The Harp of the Holy Ghost" for the hymns he wrote to counter heretical ideas expressed in the hymns he heard.
Be kind to everyone you meet, for every person is fighting a great battle. - St.Ephrem
We all survived week 2 of CPE which included the first Interpersonal Relationship group sessions (IPR), our first verbatim/discussion, and an individual conference with the supervisor. Now that I (I wanted to say "we" but I can only speak for myself!) am only getting lost occasionally and have begun to "get in" with the nurses in each of my units, I am quite comfortable in the hospital. Where I am getting stuck and struggling is in learning the art of pastoral listening. For 25 years, I've listened for facts, theory, formulas. Now I must train myself to accurately interpret "meaning" into the facts that patients share with me. In order to do this, I need to be aware of my own reactions, why I react as I do, and how it affects my response. Crap. This is hard stuff. But, nevertheless, I am enjoying every moment spent with the chaplains, interns, and patients. Tomorrow is my first day on call alone.
On another note, the doc I saw this morning said "costochondritis." I had to come home and look it up. Thanks to the Mayo website, I can tell you that it's injury to the cartilage connecting ribs to the sternum, caused by a variety of things such as heavy lifting and blows to the chest, both of which I am quite familiar with. It most commonly occurs in women over 40 and can heal in a short time, or in several months, sometimes longer. It's already been four months since I started complaining about rib and shoulder pain. My mom always says of me, "If you're going to do something, you're gonna do it good." So much for thinking I was going to answer the "help wanted" add in the paper for moving someone's giant wood pile. Enough complaining.
Pax.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Rockford and CPE Week 1
All the excitement I had for CPE (prior to a few brutal interviews last fall) is returning. After the first week, I am at home with my fellow-interns and the supervisor. The group reads me well and supports the strengths that I bring with my personality. There is no doubt in my mind that they will challenge me appropriately when the time comes, and I look forward to that.
Our apartment has come together nicely. It finally feels like "home" after such an ordeal with paperwork and getting keys. WD-40'd the cupboard hinges so they won't wake the entire complex with their screeching on the odd morning I decide to get up and make bread at 4:00. Archie arrived yesterday morning and more than doubles the life of the apartment. Not that there is much energy between Iga and I. Madelaine usually makes up most of the energy. Archie will be with us for 9 days. It has been fun to watch Archie and Madelaine sort things out, the cat with her hair all poofed chasing the dog around this very small space. She likes him, she's not being "cat-crabby," but she's not yet ready to admit she's having fun.
A ladder appeared on the balcony Saturday afternoon. Pretty soon I heard a "Hmph." There was a man trying to climb up and into our balcony, not to break in but to do a routine balcony inspection. However, we had already made the balcony into a clothes-drying operation with Iga's rope strung across every other post across the rail. I offered to take it down while he was working and he said that would be most helpful! As strange as it is to have someone climb into one's balcony from the outside, I suppose it's better than walking out there and having it fall. In any case, we now know that our "clothes line" will be a deterrent for anyone wanting to get in through the sliding glass door.
Well, if it was Thursday evening and I was going to Beer and Theology, my question would be about fear. After waking up in the wee hours of this morning from a horrible dream, I lay there thinking about dreams as expressions of fear, conscious or not. What is the relationship between fear and trust in God? As a result of our broken relationship with God, we lack trust in God for both the here and now as well as the unknown beyond this life. Is there a difference between fear in the left-hand kingdom and fear in the right-hand kingdom? It seems to me that a certain amount of fear is necessary, fear of being hit by a car, for instance. At the same time, fear of death itself is different (whether it comes from not looking both ways when crossing the street or something else). Calling "street smart" self-preservation seems appropriate, however "self-preservation" also directly implies that it is one's own doing that preserves the self... So, is "preserving the self" something we must do to a certain extent (left hand kingdom)? At the same time, it is God who sustains our life in the right-hand kingdom. Back to the beginning.
Pax.
Our apartment has come together nicely. It finally feels like "home" after such an ordeal with paperwork and getting keys. WD-40'd the cupboard hinges so they won't wake the entire complex with their screeching on the odd morning I decide to get up and make bread at 4:00. Archie arrived yesterday morning and more than doubles the life of the apartment. Not that there is much energy between Iga and I. Madelaine usually makes up most of the energy. Archie will be with us for 9 days. It has been fun to watch Archie and Madelaine sort things out, the cat with her hair all poofed chasing the dog around this very small space. She likes him, she's not being "cat-crabby," but she's not yet ready to admit she's having fun.
A ladder appeared on the balcony Saturday afternoon. Pretty soon I heard a "Hmph." There was a man trying to climb up and into our balcony, not to break in but to do a routine balcony inspection. However, we had already made the balcony into a clothes-drying operation with Iga's rope strung across every other post across the rail. I offered to take it down while he was working and he said that would be most helpful! As strange as it is to have someone climb into one's balcony from the outside, I suppose it's better than walking out there and having it fall. In any case, we now know that our "clothes line" will be a deterrent for anyone wanting to get in through the sliding glass door.
Well, if it was Thursday evening and I was going to Beer and Theology, my question would be about fear. After waking up in the wee hours of this morning from a horrible dream, I lay there thinking about dreams as expressions of fear, conscious or not. What is the relationship between fear and trust in God? As a result of our broken relationship with God, we lack trust in God for both the here and now as well as the unknown beyond this life. Is there a difference between fear in the left-hand kingdom and fear in the right-hand kingdom? It seems to me that a certain amount of fear is necessary, fear of being hit by a car, for instance. At the same time, fear of death itself is different (whether it comes from not looking both ways when crossing the street or something else). Calling "street smart" self-preservation seems appropriate, however "self-preservation" also directly implies that it is one's own doing that preserves the self... So, is "preserving the self" something we must do to a certain extent (left hand kingdom)? At the same time, it is God who sustains our life in the right-hand kingdom. Back to the beginning.
Pax.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Off to a slow start.
I guess it's time to write something here, maybe get into the habit of posting. Maybe weekly. Maybe not. I cannot take credit for the title of my blog. It came from Melinda, a young lady I work with at the farm in Galena, IL. She was taking silly photos with her phone, including close-ups of piles of horse hair that I was pulling out of Star's mane. Whatever the context was beyond that, I do not recall, but "Horsehair Weekly" came out of her mouth. I said, "I'm going to steal that name from you for something." And here we are.
After a relatively successful middler year at Wartburg Seminary, I am about to begin my summer unit of CPE in Rockford. Iga and I moved into our little apartment last night and eventually we might find the floor. At least then we'll have a place to sit since we only have one chair. Must admit, I was tempted to sleep on the futon mattress in the U-Haul trailer last night instead of unloading.
Iga and I have been talking about blogging a lot, but have so many directions! Green smoothies, horse training, ridiculous moments in the barn and in school...in life. Green smoothies, green horses, green Bible study? Who knows. Eventually, I'll have to figure this out, at least by the time I leave for Germany at the end of August. For now I'll stick to the occasional life reflection or cool thing I come across.
Pax.
After a relatively successful middler year at Wartburg Seminary, I am about to begin my summer unit of CPE in Rockford. Iga and I moved into our little apartment last night and eventually we might find the floor. At least then we'll have a place to sit since we only have one chair. Must admit, I was tempted to sleep on the futon mattress in the U-Haul trailer last night instead of unloading.
Iga and I have been talking about blogging a lot, but have so many directions! Green smoothies, horse training, ridiculous moments in the barn and in school...in life. Green smoothies, green horses, green Bible study? Who knows. Eventually, I'll have to figure this out, at least by the time I leave for Germany at the end of August. For now I'll stick to the occasional life reflection or cool thing I come across.
Pax.
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