Eleventh Sunday after Pentecost

Exodus 3:1-15
Moses was keeping the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock beyond the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.²There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush; he looked, and the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed.³Then Moses said, “I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up.”⁴When the Lord saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.”⁵Then he said, “Come no closer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.”⁶He said further, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.
⁷Then the Lord said, “I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings,⁸and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites.⁹The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them.¹⁰So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.”
¹¹But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”¹²He said, “I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain.”¹³But Moses said to God, “If I come to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?”¹⁴God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” He said further, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’“¹⁵God also said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you’: This is my name forever, and this my title for all generations.


Here we have this strange, yet well-known story of God appearing to an unsuspecting Moses in the crazy unburning flames of a bush. Remember Moses’ story: he is saved from Pharaoh’s orders to kill all Israelite boys and floated in a basket in the river for Pharaoh’s daughter to find. Now Moses has grown up, married Zipporah, has a son, and is out “beyond the wilderness” shepherding his father-in-law’s sheep on Mount Horeb. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees fire, a strange fire that does not burn, and out of curiosity, Moses turns to find himself face to face with God.

What strikes me about this story is God’s first instruction to Moses: “Stop. Take off your shoes.” In reading this, I did stop. I had to ask, “What is this all about?” God explains this command: “The place you are standing is holy ground.” But, what makes it holy? It’s out in the middle of nowhere, “beyond the wilderness” for crying out loud. On top of that, here is Moses, stinky and dirty, his sandals full of sheep you-know-what. Moses has fled from Egypt after murdering an Egyptian. Not only is he full of dirt and stink, he’s a murderer with Pharaoh out to get him. Yet, in spite of Moses’ filth and criminal record, this ground where he stands is holy—made holy by God’s presence.

This summer I was a chaplain intern at Rockford Memorial Hospital in IL as part of my seminary training. As a chaplain intern, I was involved in visits to patients and working with both the pastoral services department and as a member of the team of doctors, nurses, and others working for the healing of patients. Spiritual healing was my focus when I entered a patient’s room. What spiritual issues is this person struggling with? What worries her about her injury? What in his life is going to change because of this illness? Is this person angry at God? Many ask, “Why is God doing this to me?” As I sought to walk with each patient and family member through questions—many without answers—I was invited into the depths of people’s lives, the sorrow, pain, and suffering. Sometimes, together we found joy walking these dark paths. Sometimes we found only more darkness. And, I cannot tell you how many times I, as Chaplain, was given a greater sense of hope by the patients than I could ever hope to bring them. Walking on holy ground.

Like Moses, we all have stinky muck on our shoes. Perhaps we don’t all have criminal records, but we all are convicted of sin. We come to church Sunday after Sunday, looking as cleaned up as we can in hopes that nobody will know what we are really like. Heaven forbid my neighbor sees me in my filth, with dirt under my nails. We are embarrassed by our physical ailments, injuries, or illnesses. We are afraid to admit we can no longer do the things we used to do. We are afraid our real thoughts might slip out. We are afraid to be known for who we really are, that we won’t be loved because of the stink on our shoes.

Yet, God calls to Moses in spite of his stink and what he has done. God says to Moses from the bush, “I have observed the misery of my people…I have heard their cry…Indeed, I know their sufferings and I have come down to deliver them…and bring them up” to a better life in “a land flowing with milk and honey.” God calls to you, invites you to stand on holy ground. God observes your suffering, hears your cries, and has come to deliver you, as we all stand together at the foot of the cross. The same God who met Moses in a strange fieryOne who has come to you in the incarnate Son, Jesus Christ. God calls you and me to enter each other’s lives deeply, to care for one another’s needs, to know each other as we really are. You, the real you, are child of God, walking through life on God’s holy ground, loved and forgiven.

Pax.

Rockford and CPE Week 11

First, my fun quote of the week.  My dear friend, Andrea, posted on Facebook, "Stop marrying straight people altogether, because they're the ones making gay babies!"  Thank you, Andrea for making obvious the over-abundance of ridiculousness.

Friday was my final day of this unit of CPE.  I am going to refrain from commenting on the week as it wasn't a particularly pleasant one.  Yet, my final evaluation with the supervisor couldn't have been better.  Then I spent the afternoon toodling around Rock Cut State Park with Brother Roar Mouse, Friar Hans.

This weekend included mostly sleep and packing, though my brain is always going, going, going trying to process all that has happened in the last 11 weeks and how that relates to the rest of my life--past and future.  A lack of self-worth is what has limited my ability to succeed at what I know I am capable of.  It shows up in everything I do--riding is where it's been the most painful.  What would have become of my A testings had I, deep down, believed I deserved it?  I am angry that this has been my stumbling block and especially that I did not reach my first real life goal:  the A rating, the highest level in the United States Pony Club.  Now it's too late.  Shucks to grow up.  I need to figure out how to let go of the A and celebrate that I reached the level I did reach, the H-A.  My lack of self-worth has been a problem for a long time, but not until seminary did it start to interfere so deeply.  It's going to be a long healing process.

I have so much to write and at the same time I don't want to write publicly until I process a whole lot more. (Does that say, INTROVERT?)  The next three days are so packed full, I'm not sure I'll ever get everything straight and on time.  Heading to Dubuque tomorrow morning, then on to Jesup for the night.  To Waverly on Wednesday and on to Bloomington for the night.  Thursday morning I need to get home in order to take care of a number of other things.  I hope an afternoon of fishing is included in Thursday.  Also some Shiney time.  A last good gallop across the field with my girlie would be amazing. 

Pax.

Rockford and CPE Weeks 9 and 10

Actually, I'm skipping the specifics of week 9.  The ideas carry over to week 10 and now we're beginning week 11 so I'd better finish this one up!

Tuesday of week 10.
Eight days of CPE to go.  How can a day be bad when it starts off with listening to "Little Red Riding Hood" with Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, followed by worship?  Today was my final supervisory session, and the first one that I came out of with more energy than I went in with.  That means I've gone somewhere with all this self-reflection.  My statement that sums up the experience:  "This has been a summer of having my insides ripped  out--but I had fun doing it."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-lose/4-good-reasons-not-to-read-bible-literally_b_919345.html

How do I read the Bible? This article says it, and for me, is summarized by David Lose in his statement, "What binds the various and sundry texts found in the Bible together may be precisely that they are all inspired by the authors' experience of the living God."  I like the idea of reading the Bible as how people experienced God in their lives.  Yet, I can see that this statement (and article!) brings up strong reactions from people who find in it a weakening of biblical authority.  What differentiates these texts from others, then?  I find that reading it as the people's experience of God allows for a much deeper and broader connection to my own life, remembering that everyone experiences God in different ways, and one is not necessarily more "correct" than another.


Thursday of Week 10. 
Another fabulous start to the day.  Ok, maybe not, but I'm still laughing about it.  8:00 AM, I'm waiting for the night chaplain to return and give me the pager for my day on call.  The phone rings in the office about 8:03, she is in ICU with a family and would I come relieve her.  After telling the supervisor where I was headed (since I would most likely miss part of the usual morning routine), I proceed to pull the door knob off his office door.  8:05.

As we wrap up these 11 weeks of CPE, I am reflecting on the roller coaster it has been.  I have done my best to be open to honest feedback from my peers and supervisor.  At the same time I have struggled with my preference of being "tough" and stoic.  Hitting the core of my pain leaves me speechless and choked up.  Nope. Can't let it show. Don't mess up your face.  Live up to your Scandinavian reputation.  Crap.  Then Barry tells me to stop "dipping your roses in shit!"  To explain what "dipping my roses" means...when someone gives me a compliment, I respond with, "Yes, but..." and negate the compliment, hence "dipping my rose in shit."   Apparently I have to stop doing that.   Crap.  I try to rationalize that I'm simply fertilizing, but it doesn't go over.  The solution we came up with is that I'm going to wear the shock collar and Barry gets to hold the button. That way when I "dip my roses in shit" he can zap me.  Crap.  Barry's Shock Therapy.

Ruffie in Mom's rosebush.

On the other end, I have come to an acceptance of what my struggle in life really is--the struggle that everything else comes out of.  There is a certain amount of peace in reaching this point.  Getting here has not been easy.  I also know that it's only the beginning of healing and becoming whole.  It's going to get harder again, but this is a welcome rest from an exhausting journey.



Pax.