Life didn't slow down after my long weekend over the 4th. First, my fun visit of the week. It went something like this:
As I am talking to the daughter of an 84-year-old patient, the nurse is trying to do some things with the patient. The lady, struggling with dementia, is putting up a bit of a fight, saying, "No! No! No!" to everything the nurse is trying to do. The nurse pauses and says, "What is your favorite word?" The patient stops fussing, thinks for a moment and then says quite forcefully, "Shit."
Diving deeper into the struggles and pain of my own life in attempt to understand and be able to access them when situations call for deep empathy is draining, a lot of slow, tough, slogging through messiness. I have my CPE group and supervisor to thank for being supportive listeners, though, it's these very people pushing me into the places I don't want to go! I finished "Make Friends with Your Shadow" last weekend.
Some quotes:
"How conveniently we block our demons from our awareness and end up devoid of authentic spirituality but saturated with slushy sentiment and syrupy self-righteousness." (Miller, 71)
"My ego would like very much to get rid of my shadow because of the power it has to embarrass me or get me into serious trouble with society. While my ego is standing, facing society, looking through my persona, my shadow is regularly poking it in the back saying, 'Hey, hey, I'm here.' And my ego, without turning around keeps smiling at society through my persona, all the while elbowing my shadow into the background of my psyche and muttering to it out of the corner of its mouth, 'Get back down there and shut up, you devil.'" (Miller, 83)
"To the extent that I have to be right and good, he, she, they, or it will become the carrier of all the evil, real and potential, which I do not acknowledge within myself." (Miller, 93)
Yes, my shadow is always attached to me, can't do anything about it. If I think I can chase it away or squash it or just pretend it isn't there, I'm lying to myself and eventually, it will get the better of me. Besides, it's a part of me, I might as well get to know it, right? The things that annoy me about you are probably the same things that annoy me about myself. Is this why I get annoyed by the teenagers partying in the parking lot under our apartment window at 3:00 AM? Deep down, I wish I was out partying and drinking and smoking who-knows-what and whatever else is going on in the cars out there? Hmmm...
I also read a good portion of Yalom's "The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy" over the last few weeks. The combination of these two books has me thinking about group dynamics and the church. So often I hear, "I'm spiritual but not religious." or "I'm not into organized religion." or "Church just doesn't do it for me." and the list continues. What is it about the church that is turning people away?
What if the church as a whole and each member that makes up the church "made friends with their shadows" and quit pretending to be "good Christians" all the time? So often, we get caught up in how we are supposed to act and behave that we lose track of who we really are. Sure, everyone can say, "We're all sinners that fall short..." but do we act that way? Why are we always looking at others and saying how they sure don't act like Christians or comparing ourselves to others who make mistakes in order to make ourselves look better? We get so caught up in making sure everyone follows the rules...the rules we decide are important.
Someone decided that homosexuality is a sin (which I don't believe) and therefore homosexuals ought not be part of the church without willingness to "repent" and change (I believe even less!). Ok, when was the last time you were late (or not even because you were late, just impatient!) and you drove 50mph in the 45 zone? You got it. That's a sin, too. Breaking the laws our government provides is a sin, too. Therefore, you shouldn't be allowed to be a part of the church either. I'm included in that, not for speeding (if you know how I drive!) but for feeling quite pleased with myself for going the speed limit and irritating those who would like to speed, but can't because I'm in front. So what makes one sin worse than another? Your opinion. My opinion. It's the fact that we have all turned away from God that is the problem. Our individual sins are only a symptom of just that. Point is, the church IS full of hypocrites when we pretend we are "good Christians" when we are doing nothing but denying and repressing who we really are.
To bring in Yalom,
"In much of America the past two decades [This book was published already in 1970] have witnessed an inexorable decomposition of social institutions which ordinarily provide for human intimacy." He goes on, "The institutions which provide intimacy in our culture have atrophied and their replacements--the supermarket, dial-a-prayer, and the television set--are the accoutrements of the lonely crowd."
"As the future comes upon us, a periodic social immersion--a rehumanization station (God forbid)--may become a necessity if we are to survive the relentless dehumanizing march of a socially blind scientific technology." (Yalom, 360)
Where I'm going with this is that the church, being so caught up in black and white, right and wrong, good Christian or non Christian, all too often and hypocritically fails to acknowledge its shadow. There is no intimacy in this. (Yes, I just called the church hypocritical. Have a muffin and get over it.) At a time when social intimacy is difficult to find, the church is instead worrying about who is "good" and following the rules. Imagine what the church would be like, what ministry could it could do if it focused on what people need rather than how people act... What is the church really about? Love and grace, perhaps?
Ponder. Pax.
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