All the excitement I had for CPE (prior to a few brutal interviews last fall) is returning. After the first week, I am at home with my fellow-interns and the supervisor. The group reads me well and supports the strengths that I bring with my personality. There is no doubt in my mind that they will challenge me appropriately when the time comes, and I look forward to that.
Our apartment has come together nicely. It finally feels like "home" after such an ordeal with paperwork and getting keys. WD-40'd the cupboard hinges so they won't wake the entire complex with their screeching on the odd morning I decide to get up and make bread at 4:00. Archie arrived yesterday morning and more than doubles the life of the apartment. Not that there is much energy between Iga and I. Madelaine usually makes up most of the energy. Archie will be with us for 9 days. It has been fun to watch Archie and Madelaine sort things out, the cat with her hair all poofed chasing the dog around this very small space. She likes him, she's not being "cat-crabby," but she's not yet ready to admit she's having fun.
A ladder appeared on the balcony Saturday afternoon. Pretty soon I heard a "Hmph." There was a man trying to climb up and into our balcony, not to break in but to do a routine balcony inspection. However, we had already made the balcony into a clothes-drying operation with Iga's rope strung across every other post across the rail. I offered to take it down while he was working and he said that would be most helpful! As strange as it is to have someone climb into one's balcony from the outside, I suppose it's better than walking out there and having it fall. In any case, we now know that our "clothes line" will be a deterrent for anyone wanting to get in through the sliding glass door.
Well, if it was Thursday evening and I was going to Beer and Theology, my question would be about fear. After waking up in the wee hours of this morning from a horrible dream, I lay there thinking about dreams as expressions of fear, conscious or not. What is the relationship between fear and trust in God? As a result of our broken relationship with God, we lack trust in God for both the here and now as well as the unknown beyond this life. Is there a difference between fear in the left-hand kingdom and fear in the right-hand kingdom? It seems to me that a certain amount of fear is necessary, fear of being hit by a car, for instance. At the same time, fear of death itself is different (whether it comes from not looking both ways when crossing the street or something else). Calling "street smart" self-preservation seems appropriate, however "self-preservation" also directly implies that it is one's own doing that preserves the self... So, is "preserving the self" something we must do to a certain extent (left hand kingdom)? At the same time, it is God who sustains our life in the right-hand kingdom. Back to the beginning.
Pax.
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